Buddhism as an antidote to the "if-onlys"

During my life, I have often suffered from the “if-onlys” – you know, if only I had more money, if only that person liked me, if only I was healthier, if only .... then I’d be happy/content/fulfilled. But, I have also noticed that attaining one of those “if-onlys” doesn’t make me happier, it just brings more unfulfilled “if-onlys” to the surface, and life becomes about striving towards a future when the circumstances of my life will finally conspire to make me happy. In some ways, the Christian faith that I subscribed to for a significant portion of my adult life contributed to this “dis-ease” – if only I didn’t “sin”, I’d be happier, where “sinning” could be defined as anything from blatant criminal acts to “wrong” thoughts – or to put it Biblically, “falling short of the glory of God” (a definition which all but guarantees one will always be a miserable sinner!).

I’ve started reading a bit about Buddhism lately and I find myself drawn to some of its concepts. There is an acceptance that in life there will always be some form of suffering or dissatisfaction – this is the first noble truth: Dukkha – and it provides both an explanation for dukkha and hope and a path to relieving it. My understanding so far is that much of the unhappiness we feel is to do with our attitudes and thoughts about life’s events. It kind of “fits” with a few things that have always resonated with me from both the Christian Bible and other more secular sources.

I have always loved Psalm 46:10 – “be still and know that I am God” or as some translations put it “cease striving and know that I am God”. To me that gives a sense of surrender to life as it is, but I believe that surrender should not be unconditional but rather combined with action where possible as in the serenity prayer:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

This is similar to the concept of “controlling the controllables” which I first remember as being habit one from Stephen Covey’s “The 7 habits of highly effective people”. Some situations we can and should change, others we have no control over and can only control our own thoughts, reactions and attitudes.

I’m drawn to the practice of meditation, partly as a way to gain some control over my inner "chatter", and have been for years, but so far have not made the effort to try and establish it as a habit in my life. So, it continues to bombard me from many directions – Buddhism, scientific research espousing the benefits, part of the prescription for CFS patients in CFS Unravelled and even from the, to me, unlikely source of my mother. I greatly admire those few people you sometimes come across who just have a peace and serenity about them that says they can take anything life throws at them and stay unruffled – and I aspire to incorporate just a glimpse of that into my life.